4 Easy Fall Garlands

I like to think of garlands as necklaces for the home. While I'm just as excited as the next girl about chunky knit hat season, I might be even more into accessorizing my home than my head. I whipped up a few garlands that are perfect for draping across mantels, over door frames, or just taping onto a wall. They add such a festive flair for the fall season! Check out the easy instructions below.

4 Easy Fall Garland Ideas I like to think of garlands as necklaces for the home. While I'm just as excited as the next girl about chunky knit hat season, I might be even more into accessorizing my home than my head. I whipped up a few garlands that are perfect for draping across mantels, over door frames, or just taping onto a wall.

They add such a festive flair for the fall season! Check out the easy instructions below. Paper Leaf Garland— print the template to make your own! PAPER LEAF GARLAND I love the beautiful fall leaf garlands you can find at craft stores this time of year, but I wanted a more minimal/crafty look for our house, so I cut some leaves out of card stock and strung them onto hemp twine. The most difficult part of making this garland is trimming out the leaves, but it only took me a couple of episodes of Gilmore Girls to make all of these leaves and more.

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Above is a leaf template you can use to print out the shapes onto the card stock of your choice. (Click for the full-size image— Do not shrink/re-size image when printing, as margins have already been added.)

PINE CONE GARLAND This pine cone and wooden bead garland is delicate and earthy—perfect for just a little touch of the outdoors inside the home. This garland is a cinch to make, and just a few supplies can make a lot of garland!

GHOST GARLAND This little ghost garland is more cute than it is ghoulish. It's a great addition to your Halloween mantel decor and works best with a dark background. This project is also really fun to do with kids! Even my two-year-old was interested in helping. There ya have it! Four easy garland ideas to choose from. Try one, or try them all

Here Are Some Cat GIFS To Make The Internet More Bearable Today

Here are some cat GIFS, because we know you need this in your life right now Have you ever seen the site, OMG Cats In Space? Well, you’re welcome. We all need a break from the internet right now. What better way to be distracted than by looking at images of cats floating in space with pizza? We can’t think of anything else — and since the internet is all politics today and no one wants to start their week out arguing, may we present… CATS IN SPACE!

REAL Parenting Pro Tips

I’ve been a mother for only 15 months, but I have been an aunt for 9 years and let me tell you, there are a lot of really fluffy parenting tip lists out there. Many of them were obviously written by people without kids, or parents who lie to themselves. Honestly, those lists often make me feel like I’m doing this whole parenting thing wrong, because their tips seem to make things harder, or they make parenting almost look easy. So let’s bring it down a level. I won’t bullshit you. Here are the real parenting pro tips.

Hiding the candy stash in the laundry room will help keep your children healthy and help you maintain your sanity.

Buy lots of mac and cheese. That’s the key. Don’t fight it. Just buy the hell out of that shit. It’ll be fine.

You don’t have to give your kid a bath every day. Just wipe them down sometimes. Parents that bathe their kids every single day obviously hate themselves.

Screw pants with a legitimate waist. You don’t need that in your life. Jeans and a belt feel like a ball and chain after sleeping only four hours each night.

If you turn screen time into currency, you can get your children to do anything from homework to cleaning toilets.

There are no laws against calling a toddler an asshole. Trust me.

If you find a long lost sippy cup, don’t open it. Just throw it away. Opening it is like opening the seventh seal.

Sometimes it feels really good to flip your children off when their backs are turned.

If your child pees the bed, just change them and throw down a towel. Washing sheets at 3 a.m. will make you understand why some animals eat their young.

Telling a child that they have to eat a fruit or vegetable before they can have a dessert will make you feel better about serving them mac and cheese.

 Wet wipes can clean everything from butts to counters to car seats. They are your Swiss Army knife.

Parents often binge on ice cream after a long day of parenting. Those who don’t are probably alcoholics.

 Don’t worry about making sure your kid looks cute all the time. Sometimes it’s all you can do to keep their pants on.

The shame you feel for using a crayon instead of a pen is not nearly as painful as searching for a pen while holding a toddler.

McDonald’s is like Starbucks for kids. It isn’t healthy and it’s expensive, but it sure makes the day easier on everyone.

One popsicle will keep a toddler content for three minutes.

With enough popsicles, you can load the entire dishwasher without your toddler trying to climb inside it.

Kids will clean their rooms twice as fast if you offer them McDonald’s, candy, and the marshmallows from Lucky Charms. Bribes get shit done.

Taking your kids to the park is a really good way to get caught up on social media.

Life jackets make the pool almost tolerable. Goggles, on the other hand, turn going to the pool into full time job titled, “Can you fix my goggles?”

Caffeine 😉 Sure, there are more tips. There always are. But this should get you started. And if you are reading this and you have something to add, please do so in the comments section. Because you know what they say, it takes a village.

DIY: FALL INSPIRATIONS

Morning guys! Yesterday as I was cleaning the house and setting out a few more various fall decorations we've collected over the years, I really got myself excited to try out a few more fun things that I've been seeing around lately! So, today I decided to share a few favorites with you for inspiration, and see what you think!

#1. Fall Mantle from Sweet Something Designs

#2. Fall Mitten Pattern from Ravelry

#3. Halloween Wall Art from the Grapfics Fairy

#4. Apple Cider Doughnuts from Jen Mcgee

#5. Glitter Spider Webs from Centsational Girl

#6. Hanging Ghosties from Country Living

#7. Acorn Necklace from Dollar Store Crafts

#8. Candy Corn Cheesecake Mousse from Glorious Treats

#9. Book Page Pumpkins from Urban Daisies

#10. Black Cat Yard Decor from HGTV

Aren't there just so many ideas out there for fun stuff?? It makes it hard to get anything productive done with all the crafting I want to be doing all month.

What are some DIY's you're hoping to try out this year? Leave a link so we can all see! I'm off to make some delicious doughnuts, and find an old book or two to mutilate for my pumpkins:)

Take care dearies!

xo, Ashley

MY BEST TIPS FOR STAYING AWAKE (WITHOUT CAFFEINE!)

So since the evening after my son is  in bed and before my bedtime is my most productive time, I sometimes need to use a few tricks to keep my eyes open to finish last little bit of work after a long day with my kiddo, and here they are:

1. go to sleep! Seriously though, a 20-25 minute power nap when I'm having trouble keeping awake can greatly increase energy and alertness and therefore speed up productivity and get you to bed faster!

2. eat something slowly. No, not the twix bar in the cabinet or that bag of chips, I'm talking about some nuts or baby carrots, maybe some apple slices, especially from the fridge! The coldness will keep you from getting too comfortable, the chewing will keep you alert, and they're healthy and yummy too boot. It'll keep your mind stimulated. I also keep some gum on hand for this purpose when I don't feel like eating more.haha also eat them one at a time and not in handfuls. No sugar! you'll eat mindlessly at night which defeats the purpose of indulging in treats, and you'll have a bit of energy and then an increased brain crash, brain fog, drowsiness, all that. Not good.2. drink a lot of water. not only because it's great for you to keep hydrated, but funnily enough going to the bathroom often will keep you up and moving around! haha also when you're dehydrated your mind is slower and you feel more fatigued and sleepy.

3. do something physical. when I'm pulling a late-nighter I always mix it in with a few household chores, and any time I feel my eyes getting kinda fuzzy or every hour or so I head off to load the dishwasher or start a laundry load before settling back in again. also try jumping jacks, push-ups, and lunges. serious!

4. keep a timer going. Watching the seconds tick by physically will help you be quick and efficient! Also I like to set (and write down) a time that I think is reasonable for each task on my list, then I choose the task, set the timer, and watch as your fingers and brain try and beat the clock. I work so much faster! 

5. turn on more lights. Need I say more? Alright I'll explain how working in low-light will make you sleepy and turning on bright lights will help you stay alert and awake. Okay there I just did.haha

6. keep the temperature low. A warm work-space will bring about that same feeling of relaxation that you get in a spa or sauna and you're going to be much more drowsy. keep things at a cooler temp if you can, but if not then turn on a fan or step outside if it's a cool night. the breeze will keep your senses active and your brain alert and awake longer!

7. turn on some upbeat music. no rhythmic music that's going to sooth you to sleep.haha 

8. do some stretching. again with the physical activity I know but sitting for a while can make you tense and stiff as I'm sure you know! so make sure to twist your back, roll your shoulders and your head, keep your limbs limber and relaxed, and your blood-flow will stay steady and keep your body awake.

9. use essential oils. I really love using peppermint oil in particular to really wake up my senses and make me feel refreshed and motivated. I like to dab a tiny bit on my temples and also on my wrists. you'll feel tingly and perky, and also you'll smell fresh and clean! haha

10. splash cold water on your face. I know it may sound cliche, but it actually works! Fill your cupped palms up with some cool water from the tap and just put your face in your hands. It'll give you a little revitalizing shock to your system and feel very refreshing I promise! 

11. Well I hope at least a few of these tips have been useful, and again remember that our bodies need lots of sleep every night! These tips are just for those special times when we have to stay up a little later for some reason and are just plum tuckered out.hahaThanks for stoppin' by, and if you have any tips to add to this or any thoughts in general I'd love to hear! also don't forget to leave a link to your blog so we can come pay you a visit:) 

A Pennsylvania deli really knows what kids want.

“So, what do you want to eat?”

Seems like an easy enough question, right? 

Most adults have no problem answering it. 

But kids? Yeah. 

They suck at responding to this, to an almost infuriating degree.

The menu items are simple:

I Don’t Know — a hot dog with french fries

I Don’t Care — chicken tenders and french fries

I’m Not Hungry — grilled cheese with french fries

I Don’t Want That — fish sticks with french fries.

The menu is perfect and really drives home what all parents know: your kid wants fries. The end.

Signs You're Too Tired To Mom

Most of the time, I am such a mom. As a mom, I’m supposed to care about everything: growth charts, bathtime, breaking the binky, bedtime stories, brushed teeth and bowel movements. And I do. I care about checking the each car to make sure he was enough toys to keep him sane, making sure there are changes of clothes in his backpack, the doctor appointments, nutritious little snacks, and memories.

 I’m a multitasking mofo. I plan. I punish. I pin shit on Pinterest, and then sometimes, I actually make that shit, for chrissakes! Most of the time, I mom so hard, y’all. I’m on the ball. Wearing a freaking bra and everything. I do. I’m a mom. Most of the time. But sometimes? Sometimes I am simply a very tired person—a person too damn tired to juggle it all.
 I’m exhausted. I’m all mommed out.

When motherhood has left me barely functioning, I start phoning it in. These are not my finest moments, but over the years I’ve noticed a few signs that I am officially too tired to mom:

- I’m throwing in the towel.
Literally. Because invariably, some little a-hole is peeing in my bed in the middle of the night. The first few incidents, I woke right up and thought, “Oh no! Oh, heavens me, I must change these sheets immediately!” Uh huh. The fifth time it happened, I threw a towel over that shit and went back to sleep. Cat vomit in the hall?
Throw a towel over it. Someone spill an entire Icee in the car? Towel. My gut spilling over my bikini bottoms at the pool? Giant towel.

- Parties: Kill me So fun in theory, right? No. For birthdays, I’m that mom, sweaty and sprinting through Target, wrapping a present in the parking lot 10 minutes after the party has started. My own children’s parties over the years have mostly been torturous affairs that we farm out to places with names like the “Trampoline ‘n’ Pizza Petri Dish” and “Build-a-Bankruptcy.”

- My FOMO is gone-o. FOMO (or “fear of missing out”) is that feeling you are not in on the latest thing friends are posting about or special activities other moms are doing to make their kids’ lives sooo magical, 24/7. To that I say eff you, FOMO.

-I no longer give a shit. Empathy…yeah…no, that’s gone too. The other day I saw a large pile of some child’s vomit while walking into the mall. How do I know it was a child? It was 90% Goldfish crackers. My first thought was not, Oh, poor little lamb. It was more like, YAY, NOT MINE! 

-Climbing laundry mountain Just pick your clothes out of the dryer, kids, and be grateful they finally made it to the actual dryer.

- None-trition When the Lunchables and Hot Pockets make an appearance in the fridge, you know mamma has tapped out for the week. (See also: No. 5, Ice Cream at 9 a.m.) This goes for dinner too. I made a roast on Sunday; they said it was gross.
I made pasta primavera on Monday; they picked out the pasta. I made turkey tacos on Tuesday; they complained about the guacamole.
 Who the hell complains about guacamole?! By Wednesday, I am all out of kale and fucks. Except I’m just out of fucks because I’d never even attempt to get my kids to eat dirt salad if they won’t eat guacamole. On Wednesday we are driving straight through the golden arches, or if they’re lucky, I might reach into the deep recesses of the freezer and pull out an array of the finest processed protein I can find and slap it on a paper plate. Boom! Maybe I’ll give them a courtesy squirt of some ketchup, you know, as a vegetable. Crap: It’s what’s for dinner!

- Shortcuts become my life. Why rack your brain coming up with original bedtime stories when you can just relay the movie plot of the ’80s classic, Can’t Buy Me Love?

-Why pull out the vacuum when you can just call the dog over? He licks all the stray crumbs, gets a meal and the floor gets clean.

-Multitasking! See also: No. 1, the towel. See also: I am disgusting.

- My son is sleeping in his clothes. Again. My toddler son is finally, finally asleep. Are you gonna wake him up to put the proper sleepwear on him? Yeah. Didn’t think so. Shut up.

- Sometimes I drop the F-bomb. Sometimes, I am too fucking tired to censor myself. Netflix is my babysitter. Pretty sure my son watched Netflix for six hours straight while I wrote this article. Haven’t you heard? Netflix is very educational according to a fascinating article I tried to read before falling into a deep sleep.

- I tell my son to go away. Often. My darling son, you are the light of my life, the very reason I breathe. Now get the hell out of my face. I would rather have cruise ship diarrhea than read "where's my nose" on more time. Right this minute, I’m hiding in the bathroom to avoid you spitting car noises at me, which you will tell me about through the door anyway.

- Buying my freedom Yes, yes, fine, whatever, I will gladly buy you both Mango Tango Twist and Waikiki Coconut Splash spray and the coordinating candle to avoid spending one more second of my life inside the smelly hell that is Bath & Body Works. Yes, son, go ahead and get two shark-tooth necklaces before they turn out the lights and lock us in this souvenir store and we have to live under this hermit crab habitat. Fine. I just want to go home. *cries softly* I'll be a better mom tomorrow.